Brian D. Perskin & Associates

Why You Should Get Along With Your Ex

Now that you know how to properly communicate with your ex, it's time to outline exactly why keeping a line of friendly communication open is important. While you don't need to be best friends with your former spouse, even something as simple as remaining civil and keeping the bigger picture in mind can make all of the difference.

  1. It's cheaper. A lot of divorcing couples will use their attorneys as weapons to fight on their behalf. Attorneys can charge by the hour, so each time you and your ex argue over who gets to keep the living room furniture or the wedding china, it's going to cost you. By being civil with your spouse, and being open to compromise, you can avoid throwing your hard earned money down the drain.
  2. Less stressful. If there is any tension between you two, then you're probably wondering how being friendly with your ex can cause less stress. Well, it's simple. Being angry and resentful uses more energy than being civil or friendly. You can channel the extra energy you save into a more productive outlet such as yoga, painting, bike riding, or any other activity that allows you to clear your head and refocus.
  3. Friendships and other relationships. Remaining on good terms with an ex means you can keep the mutual friends the two of you had during your relationship. The friends won't be forced to pick sides, and you will be able to have some sense of normalcy in an otherwise hectic and changing time in your life. Furthermore, you can keep a relationship with your in-laws. These people have become your family, sometimes helping to fill the void created when one of your parents pass away. Or maybe you moved a long distance to be with your ex before you got married, and you don't have family in the immediate area. Having a familial support system is important.
  4. Better for the kids. A couple should never stay together for their children, because that can often do more harm than good. Separating or divorcing is a better idea because it helps to remove tension from the marital household, thus relieving the stress children may feel while living in a toxic environment. But don't think that just because you and your spouse are no longer together, that your child won't pick up on the negative vibes between you two. They will because children are very perceptive. This is where being friendly with your ex counts the most.

Children are happier when their parents get along!

One can think of a million reasons why they should have nothing to do with their former spouse once their divorce is finalized, and most of them are probably valid. But, if there are children between the two of you, you must put your differences to the side and focus your energy on building some form of a friendship together. You don't need to be best friends who live next door to each other, or have time set aside each week to grab coffee and catch up, but at the very least, you need to tolerate each other. Even if there is nothing but negativity between the two of you, you need to muster up some form of understanding between the two of you that will allow you two to be acquaintances. Your children's well-being and happiness should always come before your ego.