Brian D. Perskin & Associates

Tips on Using the Phone to Stay in Touch with Your Kids When You Share Custody

According to the latest reports, Tom Cruise has been missing his daughter Suri. Though he is allowed to have unlimited contact with her, he apparently misses her when she is with her mother, Katie Holmes. Many of his colleagues, including film directors he works with, have noted that he is constantly calling his daughter or even video chatting with her. Katie does the same when Suri is with Tom. Clearly, technology can be a great tool when handling shared custody, but there are some ground rules you should follow to make sure this technique continues to work well for you, your children, and your ex.

Make Sure You Only Call at Appropriate Times

You should find out from your ex when the best times to call are. You do not want to call your kids during homework time or dinner. If you cannot get an answer to this question, you should just use common sense. Calling late at night or right at typical dinner time is probably not a good idea. Afternoons and weekends tend to be good times for children to talk, so consider calling then.

Keep the Conversation Optimistic

You should not call to complain about your kids' other parent. Instead, be positive and let your children know just how much you miss them. You can also ask them questions about how school is going, or if they are older, find out how their jobs, relationships, and extracurricular activities have been. You want them to associate your phone calls with positive things, not depressing or cranky conversations. Don't lecture them for not calling you, since you are supposed to be calling because you miss them, not because you expect anything in return. If you only call to rant, you may find your calls being ignored over time.

Don't Give Your Children Messages for Your Ex

Keep the conversations about your children. You can always call or email your ex to give him or her messages. Using your kids in this manner after divorce will make them feel like they are in the middle, especially if the messages you need to give your ex are snarky or plain mean. This will not win you any points with your children, and you will likely end up aggravating your ex, too. Angry, vengeful parents can cause angst and confusion among children, so you should keep every phone call focused on your kids in a positive way.

If you feel the need to send messages through your kids because your ex will not have any contact with you, talk to your lawyer.Experienced attorneys have seen it all, and know how to get in touch with spouses who refuse to communicate effectively. Of course, if you have a legal concern, and that is why you need to talk to your ex, your lawyer can help you out.Consider calling Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. to get your legal needs addressed. We have more than 40 years of combined experience in this field.

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