Brian D. Perskin & Associates

Telling Your Children You’re Getting a Divorce

Telling Your Children

The only thing harder than deciding to file for divorce, is telling your children. In fact, doing so is one of the aspects of divorce that parents dread the most.

Luckily, the team at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. have drawn on their years of experience and put together the essential how to guide for telling your kids about divorce.

Plan and Prepare

Telling your children about your divorce is one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have. It is also one of the most important. It is crucial that you work with your ex to plan what you will say. Divorce is a traumatic time for children, and you can make it easier by remaining a united front.

Before sitting down with your kids, you and your ex need to agree on what you are going to tell your children. They will ask why you are divorcing, but you don’t have to discuss the intimate details. You and your ex can prepare for the talk by discussing living arrangements, visitation, and how the divorce will impact your children’s lives. Having answers for common questions will help put your children’s minds at ease.

Have Age Appropriate Conversations

How you approach telling your children about your divorce will make a difference in how they cope. A good rule of thumb is to tailor the conversation to their age. Younger children have harder time comprehending what a divorce means, whereas adolescents will have a better understanding.

When telling younger children about your divorce, use simple terms and concepts. Young kids can develop inaccurate ideas about divorce, so it is important to let them ask any questions they may have. Always stress that the divorce is not their fault, and the decision for Mom and Dad to live separately does not mean that they aren’t loved.

Adolescents and teens have a better understanding of their surroundings, and it is likely they have figured out that you are getting a divorce before you tell them. You can have a more open and honest talk with older kids, but keep in mind that they won’t let their fears show as easily as their younger siblings. Once again, it is important to stress that the divorce is not their fault, and that they are still loved.

Tips for Telling Your Children

The internet is full of dos and don’ts for telling your children about your divorce. Each discussion and experience will be different, but it is important to create a safe and calm environment. Set aside enough time to have a thorough discussion with your kids, and make sure you do it at home. Always encourage a dialogue, and be prepared to answer very painful questions. Your goal, as a parent, should be to make the divorce as easy as possible on your kids. This starts with how you tell them.

Never play the blame game during the talk, as it can lead to parental alienation later on down the road. Arguing with your spouse creates tension, and it does not help to foster a safe environment. Don’t be surprised if your child doesn’t have the type of reaction you thought they’d have. All kids process divorce news differently, and they may need time to process their emotions. Never, ever, force your child to pick sides during divorce.

An Attorney Makes Divorce Easier

Your divorce attorney cannot tell your children for you. They can, however, make the divorce process easier for you and your family. With their guidance and representation, you can focus your attention on your children and make sure that they are coping with the divorce. Your kids need to be your #1 priority during divorce, and the only way to do this is to hire a lawyer.

The family law firm of Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. is one of New York City’s most experienced divorce powerhouses. The dedicated attorneys have represented thousands of New Yorkers, successfully advocating on their behalf both in, and out, of the court room.

For more information, or to schedule your free consultation, call 718-875-7584 today!

Top 5 Reasons You May Get Divorced

op 5 Reasons You'll Get Divorced

Statistics show that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. Why is this? Are small habits and annoyances to blame, or is it something big that causes couples to get divorced? While the exact cause for divorce varies, here, we discuss the Top 5 reasons couples call it quits:

Financial Issues

Money impacts every part of your life, especially your marriage. Issues surrounding income, marital debt, and spending habits, can cause major headaches. A strong marriage needs to have a solid foundation, and having the same money goals as your spouse is a crucial part of that foundation.

Infidelity

It should come as no surprise that infidelity is a common reason why couples get divorced. Extramarital affairs put a lot of stress on a relationship, and destroy the trust couples have for each other. Divorce papers often follow an affair.

Lack of Communication

Not being able to communicate well with your spouse can lead to divorce. Constant disagreements and bickering can lead to miscommunication- or a breakdown of communication all together. This can create a lot of tension in your relationship.

Addictive Behaviors

Addiction often results divorce, and we’re not just talking about substance abuse problems. Addiction can manifest in a variety of ways, including in your work, and in your desire to maintain a certain image or lifestyle. Some addictions are so strong that they become the focal point of your relationship, and will lead to divorce.

Incompatibility

Sometimes, regardless of how much your love your spouse, the two of you just aren’t compatible. While this is unfortunate, it is common. Differences surround religion, the desire to start a family, or where you want to live, can result in a marital breakdown. Getting divorced because of incompatibility doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse. It just means that the two of you care enough about the other to let them have a chance at true happiness.

Are You Getting Divorced?

Hiring a family law attorney to represent you during a divorce is always recommended. Retaining a lawyer has tremendous benefits, regardless of the reason why you want to file for divorce. Because of how complicated the process is, and it is far too risky to try to represent yourself.

The law firm of Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. has helped thousands of New Yorkers navigate their divorce and family law cases. We strongly believe that knowledge is power, especially when it comes to divorce. This is why our attorneys off free, no obligation, consultations for all NYC residents. Call us at 718-875-7584 to speak to one of our dedicated professionals today!

High Net Worth Divorce in NYC

High Net Worth Divorce

All divorce cases have challenges, but high net worth cases are more complex and present additional obstacles. Assets must be addressed during these unique cases. What key things should you know if you’re facing a high net worth divorce?

Handling Assets

High net worth divorce cases often involve a great deal of assets. Assets can range from financial accounts, to homes, cars, and collectibles. New York State uses a concept called Equitable Distribution to help divide assets during all divorce cases. Given the increased number of assets that high net worth cases have, you are faced with a prolonged discovery process.

To help keep you organized during your divorce, we suggest you create an index of all assets. This includes balances in financial accounts, loan amounts, mortgages, leases, and insurance documents. Streamline and organize your high net worth divorce with Brian D. Perskin & Associate’s free Assets and Liabilities Checklist.

Mixing Business with Divorce

A concern facing many litigants is that a high net worth divorce will effect their small business. Unfortunately, there is a good chance it may be. Your business will be subject to equitable distribution if it was created, or grew, during your marriage.

Your business is an asset, and needs to be valuated during your divorce. A Judge will issue a court order that assigns a third party company to evaluate your business. This complicated process requires the attention that only an experienced divorce attorney can provide. For more information on how to handle your business during a divorce, click here.

Other High Net Worth Concerns

High net worth divorce cases can contested, or uncontested. Even if you are in agreement with your ex-spouse regarding the distribution of assets, you still need to address custody, child support, and alimony. Court intervention is needed when divorcing parents are unable to reach a child custody agreement on their own.

Hidden assets are a major concern in high net worth divorce cases. Hiding, or trying to siphon off, assets is a very serious matter and will impact alimony and child support. Litigants often try to transfer their assets to a family member in an attempt to make the court believe they have a lower net worth. You can help your attorney recognize hidden assets by keeping an index of marital property, especially smaller items like jewelry and collectibles.

The High Net Worth Experts

With over forty years of combined experience, the team at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. have represented countless New Yorkers in their high net worth cases. The knowledgeable attorneys are well versed in matrimonial law and the discovery process. Their keen eye for discrepancies have helped protect the net worth of residents in all five boroughs.

For more information on high net worth divorce cases in New York City, contact Brian and his team at 718-875-7584 today. (Don’t forget to schedule your free consultation online!)

Orders of Protection in New York

Orders of Protection are court orders that aim to help prevent harassment, domestic abuse, and stalking. These court orders are fairly common in divorce and family law cases. However, there is still a lot of confusion surrounding these documents.

Filing for an Order of Protection

New York State allows litigants to file for an Order of Protection in Family Court, but only if you meet one of these requirements:

  • You are related to the respondent by blood or marriage;
  • You are, or were, legally married to the respondent;
  • You have a child with the respondent; or
  • You are, or were, in an intimate relationship with the respondent.

If you meet one of the Court’s criteria, you may file a Family Offense Petition in your county’s Family Court. You will then be issued a Temporary Order of Protection once your petition is approved.

Types of Orders of Protection

Orders of Protection can be both temporary and permanent. According to the 5th Judicial District your Order might include:

  • Stay away: bars the respondent from showing up at your home, office, child’s school, etc. A stay away can also prevent someone from contacting your family members.
  • Refrain from: the respondent must stop a doing a certain action, such as threatening you.
  • Exclusion: bans the respondent from entering the home they share with you. Exclusions are only granted when the respondent poses a clear and present danger to you or your children.
  • Collect Belongings: requires law enforcement to be present when the respondent removes their personal items from your home.
  • Firearms: the respondent will not be allowed to carry or use a weapon. The court will confiscate all firearms from your ex.

Enforcing Orders of Protection

Unfortunately, not all Orders of Protection are followed. There is always a chance that your ex will disobey the terms listed in your Order. Because of this, it is important to keep a copy of your Order of Protection at home and at work. You should even consider giving a copy to your child’s school. Keep it handy so you can show law enforcement that your Order exists.

Violating an Order of Protection is a very serious offense, and can result in jail time for the offender. If your ex is violating your protection order, you need to take immediate and swift action. The first step to safeguarding your family is to hire a lawyer who experience with Orders of Protection. Keep in mind that you will need to file an Enforcement Petition and appear in court, but having a lawyer fight for your safety can make the process easier.

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The law firm of Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. has helped thousands of New Yorkers protect their families with Orders of Protection. For more information on divorce and family law, or to schedule your free consultation, contact Brian and his team at 718-875-7584 today!

Divorce During the School Year: Q&A

Divorce during the School Year

Back to school season can be tough for families of divorce. There can be a lot of uncertainty surrounding custody, support, and co-parenting during the school year. Things can become even more complicated if your divorce case is just beginning.

What are the most common questions divorced parents have regarding the school year?

Will my custody agreement change?

Your custody agreement may change, depending on what schedule you and your ex currently follow. For instance, it may be best to modify your agreement for the duration of the school year. This way, your child doesn’t have to split their time between households during the week. Visitation can occur on the weekend, or on weeknights.

How do extracurricular activities affect visitation?

There is a good chance that extracurricular activities will affect your visitation schedule. Sports games, debates, and school plays are often held on the weekend. This means that the non-custodial parent’s visitation schedule will be interrupted. While this is not an ideal situation, attending extracurricular activities allows for you to perfect your co-parenting skills!

Who pays for additional academic expenses?

Additional academic expenses should be addressed in your support or custody agreement. Typically, the custodial parent will bear the brunt of additional costs. However, the non-custodial parent will often agree to pay a share of extra expenses. It’s best to review your agreement prior to petitioning the court for a modification.

Do we need to tell the school?

You are not required to inform your child’s school of your divorce. However, it is a good idea to let the principal and guidance counselor know, so they can be on the lookout for any behavioral changes your child may experience. Provide the school with updated contact information, and request that they send copies of all documents to you and your ex. This way, you are both being kept up to date and informed during the school year.

How can we make the school year easier for our child?

Back to school time is hard for kids, especially those whose parents are getting a divorce. To make the transition easier, try to implement the following strategies:

  • Create consistency between households (same rules, bedtimes, etc.)
  • Have separate sets of school supplies, clothes, or uniforms at each household
  • Create a schedule for visitation and parenting time, but remain flexible
  • Let your child decorate a calendar that shows which parent the child will spend time with each day
  • Encourage your child to video chat with your ex during your parenting time
  • Never use your child as a messenger to relay information to your ex-spouse

Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C.

It is impossible to predict how well your family will handle the school year while in the midst of a divorce. It might not be easy, but that is why you need a top rated law firm by your side. The team of attorneys at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. have represented thousands of New Yorkers in tough divorce and child custody matters.

For more information, or to schedule your free consultation, contact Brian and his team at 718-875-7584 today!

Alternative Forms of Co-Parenting After Divorce

Alternative co-parenting strategies

Traditional family dynamics are changing, and so are co-parenting arrangements after divorce. Gone are the days when a divorced mother would be the primary custodian. What are some of the new forms of co-parenting, and will they work for your family?

Parallel Parenting

Parallel Parenting was designed with high-conflict families in mind. The purpose of parallel parenting is to help you and your ex care for your child, while limiting communication.

During this form of co-parenting, you are able to make your own decisions regarding your child, without having to consult your ex. But, keep in mind, your ex is allowed to do the same. Typically, each parent would choose aspects of their child’s upbringing that they would like to have control over. For instance, you would be responsible for decisions regarding medical care, and your ex would choose which schools your child attends.

This form of co-parenting allows for both parents to play an active role in raising your children, without having to risk tension filled arguments. Many people practicing parallel parenting rely on parenting apps to keep verbal communication to a minimum.

Bird’s Nest Parenting

Bird’s Nest Parenting is a unique approach to co-parenting after divorce. The goal of bird’s nest parenting is to put your child’s needs and comfort first. It is 100% child centered.

During this form of co-parenting, your child will remain living in one home, and will not travel between households for visitation. Instead, you and your spouse would take turns living with the child. You are responsible for maintaining a separate home to live in during your non-parenting time. Your ex will have to do the same.

The bird’s nest approach can help alleviate the amount of stress and anxiety your child feels because of the divorce, but it can be quite costly. Review your finances prior to agreeing to this co-parenting arrangement, and make sure your family can afford to support three different households.

Living Together After Divorce

The most unusual way to co-parent after divorce is to live with your ex. Whether in the same home, same apartment building, or same neighborhood, a growing number of divorced parents are choosing to live within close proximity to their ex.

This form of co-parenting should only be attempted if your divorce is uncontested, and you maintain a close relationship with your ex-spouse. The two of you need to have the same approach to parenting, and vow to put your child’s needs first.

Living with your ex after divorce can have tremendous benefits for your child, but this form of co-parenting needs to be approached with caution. Speak with a therapist of mediator, and develop a list of rules that you and your spouse must follow. Doing so can help ensure that this unique co-parenting arrangement is successful.

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The law firm of Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. specializes in complex divorce and family law cases. Brian and his team of attorneys have represented thousands of New Yorkers, and successfully advocated on their behalf. For more information on how we can help you, call us at 718-875-7584 today.

Dealing with Anger during Divorce

Anger during divorce

Feeling angry during divorce is perfectly normal. In fact, it’s to be expected. Divorce is a major life change, and your case will not always go as planned. You need to learn how to recognize when you’re getting mad, and how to deal with your anger during divorce.

Physical Signs of Anger

Nothing is more infuriating than an already stressful situation becoming even more complicated. When going through a divorce, it is important that you learn to recognize your physical signs of anger. You should be on the lookout for:

  • An increased heart rate or rapid breathing
  • A headache or stomach ache
  • Feeling hot in your chest, neck, or face
  • Shaking or trembling
  • A general tightening of muscles throughout your body

Take note of your physical signs of anger next time you fight with your ex. Do you start to tense and feel hot? Knowing how your body responds to stress will help you better deal with your anger during divorce.

Dealing with Anger the Healthy Way

It is easy to lash out when you’re angry, but that will get you nowhere during your divorce. Bottling up negative feelings is horrible for your mental and physical health. Instead of suppressing anger, try dealing with it in a healthy way.

You should already have a general idea of ways to calm yourself down when you’re mad, but if you’re feeling especially agitated, try something new. Enrolling in a kickboxing or cross-training program lets you sweat out your frustration. Or, calm your nerves by taking a walk in the park or visiting the beach.

The best way to deal with anger during divorce is to set time aside to focus on yourself. Pick a day to do what makes you happy. Read a book, spend time with close friends, or cook your favorite comfort food.

Co-Parenting while Angry

One of the worst things you can do during your divorce is co-parent while angry. You may not get along with your ex, but it is best to put your differences aside for the benefit of your kids. How can you do this effectively?

  • Develop a communication plan to minimize interaction with your ex
  • Use co-parenting apps
  • Do not respond to your ex’s threatening or confrontational messages
  • Refrain from contacting your ex when you are angry- take some time to cool down first

You might need to cut off all contact with your ex if the two of you are unable to co-parent effectively because you cannot get along. This kind of arrangement is not ideal, but it is common.

When to Seek Help

If you are still having a hard time letting go of negative feelings, thoughts, or emotions, you should consider seeing a therapist. Admitting you need help coping with divorce is hard, but it is nothing to be embarrassed about. Many children need therapy during divorce, and adults are no different.

Talking about your divorce with a trained professional is incredibly therapeutic, and doing so will make the process easier and less stressful. Divorce doesn’t have to be a life ending event, nor does it have to scar and haunt you for years to come.

The Right Attorney Matters

Hiring the right attorney is a great strategy for dealing with your anger during divorce. An experienced lawyer, much like those at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C., is able to make the divorce process easier and less stressful for you.

Don’t try to handle your case on your own- rely on the experts. Call Brian and his team at 718-875-7584 to schedule your free consultation, and get back to focusing on your well-being.

Common Divorce Myths in New York

Common Divorce Myths

The internet is a wonderful tool, but it can be harmful to your divorce or child custody case. There are countless divorce horror stories online, and it’s hard to not believe them. Luckily, the team at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. have shed a light on the most common New York divorce myths out there.

Myth #1: You must file for divorce in the city/state you got

married.

This is not true. Where you file for divorce depends on where you, or your spouse, legally reside. So, just because you got married in Las Vegas, doesn’t mean you must file for divorce in Nevada. Check out New York’s residency requirements for more information.

Myth #2: You cannot get a divorce if your spouse doesn’t

consent to one.

This is one of the biggest divorce myths. New York has two types divorce: contested, and uncontested. Contested divorces occur when one party does not consent to the divorce, or they don’t agree with the terms listed in the Complaint.

A Judge will never force you to stay married if your spouse doesn’t want a divorce. Contested divorce cases take more time than their uncontested counterparts, but a divorce will be granted. Just remain patient and let your attorney handle the matter for you.

Myth #3: Mothers will always be granted child custody

because of court bias.

In New York, child custody is determined in the best interest of the child. This can mean either the mother or the father.

A Judge will issue a child custody order ff you and your ex are unable to reach an agreement on your own. The Judge will take many factors into consideration, including which parent was the primary caregiver prior to divorce, while making their final decision.

Myth #4: You will “lose” your divorce case if you commit

adultery.

New York is a “no-fault” divorce state, so Judges typically pay little attention to accusations of adultery. You are not entitled to a greater share of marital assets just because your spouse had an affair.

With that being said, alimony payments may be impacted if a Judge decides that a cheating spouse wastefully dissipated marital assets by spending a lot of money on his or her fling. It is recommended you hire an attorney to help you determine if this is true in your case.

Myth #5: All marital assets will be split 50/50.

New York divides marital assets equitably, not equally. This means that marital property cannot be split in equal halves between you and your ex.

Instead, the Court must take many factors into consideration while determining the equitable distribution of assets. Factors can include the length of your union, your income, and each spouse’s financial contribution to the marriage. The Court must also determine if an asset is sole property, joint property, or has been co-mingled during the marriage.

Myth 6: You don’t need a divorce lawyer.

One of the most concerning and harmful divorce myths is that you don’t need a lawyer. Divorce cases are complex matters. It is easy to get caught up in your emotions, and for your judgement to become clouded. This is why it is always recommended that you retain an experienced divorce attorney to advocate on your behalf.

The team of attorneys at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. are experts in matrimonial and family law, having represented countless New Yorkers throughout some of the most difficult periods in their lives.

Find out how we can help you. Call us at 718-875-7582 to schedule a free, no obligation consultation today!

Divorce and Child Custody 101

Divorce and Child Custody 101

Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to divorce and child custody. Having a basic understanding of the two is vital to the success of your case. Should you file for a divorce or legal separation? Can you have legal custody if your child doesn’t live with you?

Consider this your much needed crash course in New York divorce and child custody law.

Divorce vs. Separation

At Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C., we have many New Yorkers ask us if they should for a divorce or legal separation. What is the difference, and does it really matter?

  • Legal Separation: You will remain married to your spouse during a legal separation. Your separation agreement will address common divorce issues. Issues include child custody and support. You will remain on your spouse's insurance, and have access to their retirement benefits, during a legal separation.
  • Divorce: A divorce terminates your marriage. There are two kinds of divorce in New York: contested, and uncontested. Your divorce will be contested if you and your ex are unable to agree to the terms of the divorce. You need to hire an attorney if you are going through a contested divorce.

Child Custody, Visitation, Support

Child custody and support cases can be their own individual actions, or they can be aspects of a divorce matter. As with divorce, there are different forms of child custody:

  • Physical/Residential Custody determines which parent a child will live with.
  • Legal Custody refers to which parent has the right to make major decisions on the child behalf, including education, medical care, and religious upbringing.
  • Sole Custody means that one parent has been granted a certain form of custody.
  • Joint Custody occurs when both parents are awarded the same type of custody.
  • Visitation time is awarded to the parent who has not been given physical custody.
  • Child Support is money paid to the custodial parent, and terminates once the child is 21 years old, or has been emancipated.

Child custody agreements are unique, and will vary from case to case. Regardless of what kind of child custody order you receive, it will always be made in your child’s best interest.

The Divorce and Child Custody Experts

What makes Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. so unique is how we represent our clients. Our team of attorneys all have different styles of representation. Some favor settlement outside of the courtroom, while others prefer to duke it out in front of a judge. We can guarantee that we have the right lawyer for you!

Our lawyers have over 50 years of combined experience, and have helped thousands of New Yorkers with their complex divorce and child custody cases. For more information on how we can help you, or to schedule your free consultation, contact us at 718-875-7584 today!

What to Expect in Your Divorce Consultation

Divorce Consultation

Meeting with an attorney and gathering information is an important first step when filing for a divorce. Attending a divorce consultation can be a nerve-wracking, but necessary, experience. Knowing what to expect can help ease you into the process, and make the experience more comfortable.

What to Expect When You Contact Us

At Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C., we make it our goal to provide outstanding service to all of our clients. This begins as soon as you call us.

A member of our experienced staff will take your basic information, as well as ask you a few questions about what kind of case you have. (Is your divorce contested or uncontested? Do you need to file for child custody, as well?). You can schedule your free consultation at this time. It’s as simple as that!

Points to Discuss in Your Divorce Consultation

During your free initial consultation with Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C., you will have the opportunity to discuss:

  • Grounds for divorce;
  • Distribution of marital assets (home, cars, financial and retirement accounts);
  • Child custody and visitation;
  • Child support and alimony;
  • Relocation after divorce;
  • The general divorce process and timeline;
  • The cost of hiring our firm to represent you.

What Documents Should You Bring?

Prior to your consultation, we will email you an initial intake form, which you can fill out and submit online. In addition to completing the intake form, we request that you bring:

  • Any documents you have been served with (Summons, Petition, or Temporary Order of Protection);
  • Police reports (if applicable);
  • Your marriage certificate;
  • A copy of your prenuptial or postnuptial agreement;
  • A list of items you would like to discuss during your divorce consultation.

If you do not have access to these documents, don’t worry. We do not require that you have them during your consultation, but we will need them before we are able to begin working on your case. It is a good idea to start compiling them as soon as possible.

Get Started Today!

The attorneys at the law firm of Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. have over 50 years of combined experience, and have represented thousands of New Yorkers during tough divorce and family law cases.

Our firm offers free, no-obligation divorce and family law consultations to New York City residents. Scheduling your divorce consultation is easy. You can schedule your appointment online, or call us at 718-875-7584. Let our experience and knowledge work for you- contact us to schedule your divorce consultation today!